My Leg

By Nidal Hamad

Translated by Dr Taysir Nashif

         It was unfortunate for him that he was alone, without partners at home. Residents in the rest of the rooms left on the morning of this sunny day to the market for shopping. Because of that, he regarded it as an opportunity; he said to himself that it was the ideal moment to seek refuge from them with a little bit of sleep.

         He slept with the intention to have a little bit of rest from his suffering while working and from what he saw in one of Hollywood’s barbaric films.

         But nightmares caught him in surprise at the prime of noon, and caused him a lot of pain. At his sleep or dream, he found himself without one of his legs. He saw himself without a leg. He did not believe what he saw and how this has happened, and when, where and why …

         He started running on one leg as if he is a human being different from all the people .. He was afraid of himself and for himself. He does not remember how that tragedy happened. All what he remembers is that he saw himself without a leg, so he began running and yelling with a loud voice: oh … my leg … my leg is lost … my leg is gone … I lost it and I lost the ability to run.

He did not draw his attention that he was running on his legs, while he was yelling, calling for the restitution of his leg … he didn’t feel pain, nor did he see blood. But, he was certain of the loss of his leg. He entered a state of anxiety and fright or in a state of insanity and madness. All what he was hearing was his shouting: my leg! I lost it.

I wonder, did he lose it where his first dreams were lost … and did he lose it the day he lost his city, neighbors, school and quarter, and the most beautiful shirt his mother gave him as a present on his birthday. He had decided to sleep in order for him to dream of sparrows that are chirping, birds that are shrilling, houris who spread roses, and beautiful women who make him drink the milk of love  from the fruits of paradise. He slept in order for him to meet Shahrazade so that she narrate to him some stories of platonic love … He was passionately fond of romances of which he only knew from stories and narratives. He didn’t get caught in the entanglements of love, and what he was holding in his heart did not call his attention.

He was a quiet lad and a youth with propensity to schooling; he was different from his peers in the quarter and school. He didn’t hate war because it was imposed on his people, but, at the same time, he does not hide his desire that it goes away with no return. It is like a blazing fire, that consumes and burns all of what comes in its way. It was the war that took away some of his colleagues and neighbors. It also perhaps was the reason for severing the leg of their neighbor the hadji.

He was in the company of his peers of childhood, who would freeze out of fear of the hadji, as they regarded him a frightening man because he was with no leg. They used not to understand his secrets when they see him with  two legs one day, and with one leg the other day. They used to have discussion, to ask each other, to analyze and to give answers as they wished.

As to the hadji, he is burdened with the concerns of his artificial leg and with the hardship of walking with it in the hot summer, when temperature is usually high and moisture is troublesome, thus making friction of his severed leg with the artificial leg painful, often causing wounds. Thus, the hadji is no longer able to use his artificial leg; rather, he is compelled to walk without it and to leave his house with one leg, but with the assistance of two crutches that were made especially for such situations.

  Have you lost something, my dear?

His voice came from the narrow path located between his room and the salon shared by the residents of the small building. He didn’t know whether the one who gave the question came from the outside or is a part of his cursed nightmare, especially that he appeared in front of his with his bamboo crutch, and looked from afar at his very eyes.

At first, he thought that this man is the hadji himself, standing in front of him with an artificial leg and a metal cane. After long years of exile, he no longer remembers exactly the shape and look of the hadji. But the man who is talking with him very much looks like the hadji of his childhood. The same standing, the same beard, the same mustache, and the same bend of the leg and the bigness of the knee, and the same bamboo stick that the hadji used to have. Then, he is here, this one who got tired, endured and was patient so that he does not get often out of his house without his artificial leg …He is the hadji one more time, and he seems to be as well as one could possibly wish, and with two legs as all the people. He is like all, and, as much as it concerns me, I have become like him in the past time, without a leg. That was one which went away as one who went away and did not come back.

He was mumbling with these words when the sound of the hadji came to him:

-                          It is no more than a leg of flesh, blood and bone. You are not the first nor the last one in the world which is correct to name as a world without legs.

-                          How can one walk on one leg? I personally do not understand that, and find it difficult to give an answer to the question.

In order to relieve him of the burden of giving an answer, the hadji said to him:

         When losing his leg or one of his limbs, human being has to hold out and be equipped with patience and a will of steel, because the severed limb is gone and it does not return, whereas the human being survives until his passing away. During that period, he must learn life anew and go along anew; and must not find in himself any differences from the others, because classifying the self as located outside of the whole in that situation puts an end to the existence of the human being, and makes one’s confidence in himself shaken and weak, thus affecting all of life’s paths. You have to accept the new reality, to challenge it, and to go ahead with your journey with resolve, determination and courage.

         He listened to the advices, directions and expertise of the hadji while walking at his side, each on his crutch. In a passing moment, he rallied his strength and asked the hadji about the secret of the severance of his leg. The hadji responded to him while smiling: I used to be a fisher. One day, to my small boat drew closer a large ship which was swarming with stranger pirates who reached to our sea, then, they set foot on our land. With their shapes and appearances that arouse fright, they demanded of me to be their guide on the shore. I was forced to agree out of fear of their leader who was with one wooden leg, and one eye with a black bandage on top of it. When we got to the shore, clamor, shooting and chaos erupted; suddenly, I found myself injured and without my leg.

         Later on, I recovered my awareness in a white room in the hospital where I was treated. After I recuperated, I returned to the sea, to the old quarter, and I stayed there until God has taken me unto Him, and the angels brought me to this place, where the dead who lost their limbs in life are gathered.

-                          What? God has taken you unto Him? Dead people and a place for …

-                          Yes, God has taken me unto Him. And a place for …

At that moment, our friend, by a certain power, was shaken, out of fear, as he thought that he died after his leg was severed. But he found himself on top of his bed, out of breath, almost suffocating. He picked quickly the cup of water that was on top of the small table near his bed. He drank all of what was in it. After he was quiet a little bit, he run the hand over his leg and found it in its place. He did the same thing with the other one and he also found it in its place. He laughed at himself, but he didn’t go back to sleep. He put on his dress and went out to enjoy the sun outside of his house.